Damn Hollywood movies (LOL)

I love to watch movies. And I watch a lot of them! Lately, I’ve been watching only cable so I’m not up-to-date with it. I know what’s on the movie theater, but I never go.

Sometimes I feel like it. For example, last week we had a brazilian movies day. The ticket was very cheap, but it was monday night and I started to think that I had to go home late, by bus.. ah…decided not to go.

Yes, I pay not to go out. I really prefer to stay at home. Specially at night. Unless there’s a special occasion. I really enjoy the CS meetings. An occasional dinner. A movie, once in a while.

I don’t mind going out alone. But, of course, when you do, you do different things. I love to go to the park in the afternoon. Specially now that is summer, when it’s so hot that it is impossible to stay inside. Every time I travel, I always try to have a day that goes like this: I walk the streets, find a nice park or square, where you can’t hear cars or anything but the birds, trees and wind. I did that in Buenos Aires. I successfully did it in New York, Boston and Washington. And at Rio. And Curitiba. It’s refreshing!

I always joke my energy comes from the sun. That’s true. I wake up very early in the morning. I usually don’t need alarm clocks (actually, I wake up always before they go off). But when the sun goes down, I feel like all my energy is drained. The worst time is right after the sunset, you know? From 6-8pm. That’s the critical time. I have to struggle to keep myself awake. At least until 10pm. Because I know that if I go to bed that early, I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and the next day would be horrible. But then, at 10pm I let go. Unless I have a party to attend to. Then, with company, talking and laughing,  I can stay awake until the sun comes up (it happened already!!).

If you read the previous post, where I say I’m an ESTJ, you’ll understand. I need plans. If I don’t have one, I’ll take the default, expected behavior. No mysteries there.

This is one of the reasons I prefer daylight time. If it was for me, it wouldn’t start in october and end in february. It’d go all year round!

But, it goes. And at some point, we need the moonlight and starts and darkness. So, the night is welcome! And Morpheus brings the night with an incontrollable drowsiness! I can’t help but yawn! 😀

And I love to watch movies. But lately, I start a movie, late at night, and can’t finish. I always sleep. That’s not me. I remember staying up all night watching movies on the tv. It had to be a really bad, boring movie to make me sleep. Now, anything does the trick! And I get furious when it happens with a good movie. Those you need to think, and discover what they want to say with it. Then, at night, I look for very simple movies. Romantic comedies are the best at this. You know, before you start, what will happen in the end. You know they’ll fight, it’ll seem they don’t get along, they’ll have other boyfriends/girlfriends, but in the end, they’ll be together. So, if I sleep and miss the end, I won’t be missing that much.

And because of that, I can tell this year was the “romantic comedy” year. I watched so many of them I can’t even remember. And the worst part is that I’ve been through a small crisis this year (yes, the 30s crisis came a bit later…) and I started to think about all the situations they create on those movies, and started to think about what people think about me.

I usually don’t care much about what others think about me. I mean, I do care, specially when it comes to the professional opinion they have about me. But not my personal life. They don’t know what I’ve been through to get here. Let them think whatever they want. But then I started to mix things. I usually don’t mix my job and my life. Part of the crisis was exactly because I didn’t want to mix things up. And at some point, I had to open up a bit, let people know who I am outside the office. And then, I feel like I kind of lost control of things.

But then, again, my balance was CS. We go out together. We have barbecues, and we cook, and eat. I remember one or two evenings where we had so few people that we talked about subjects more personal. Those you really understand how the other think and take life. The other times was just fun. Talking about our trips, planning the next ones. Planning the next meeting. Fun. I love the meetings and I feel sad when we stay too long without one.

I always say CS was one of the best things that ever happened to me. But I’m sure that if I had known CS anywhere else but in Campo Grande, it wouldn’t be the same. I love living here and they are the reason I decided to stay in town when a huge crisis occurred last year. They made me stronger and braver. I don’t think they know or understand how special all of them are to me. I feel they are really my friends.

Now, I feel like an old teenager 😛 A teenager because I’m living things people usually live when they are in their teens. And because I have things I had never have before. Old because I think I’m on that stage of life where, although I like my job, it’s not what I wake up for. And that’s not a bad thing. I like it. And I like to do what I do. I expect more of that? Sure. I work hard to be recognized and to meet the expectations. But if I had a slight chance to change it someway. To do something that could boost my motivation… I like to teach, but I haven’t had many opportunities lately. I’m still deciding if the career path I followed was the best choice. Three years and I feel like I’m stuck. And the environment doesn’t help.


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