I always listen to music. When I’m at home, at work, in the bus or airplane. My sister gave me a mp4 and I don’t know if she knew how much I’d use it. Basically, it’s on all the time. I plug the USB on my notebook (so it charges while I’m listening to it).
I have a very old playlist and I keep listening to it. Metallica & symphonica, Green Day’s Bullet in the Bible, Ultraje a rigor, Legião Urbana, Engenheiros do Hawaii, Mamma Mia! Soundtrack, Best of 80’s… Now, I downloaded Black Eyed Peas discography. Somedays, that’s all I listen to.
While I’m working, it’s easy because I need something in the background to help me concentrate. But when I’ m at the bus, for instance, I sing along – and that makes me look like a crazy person 😀 But then again, I don’t care what people I don’t know think about me. For all I know, they already think I’m crazy. The way I dress is not very typical for the town – at least I think that way because I rarely see people dressing like I do for work. And now I use hats!
Well, I always wanted hats, but I never found a place to buy nice ones. That’s the wonder of things. I bought three in the US last august and use them daily. I also bought one in Rio and one in Campo Grande (can you believe I found I nice hat at Extra??). And now that people see me wearing them, they give me tips on where to buy more. I already have seven!
Then I don’t mind people looking at me with the face that says ‘Where is she from?’ or ‘Why is she dressed like that?’. Not anymore, at least.
My trip to US did me good in so many ways. I’m sure I enjoyed it every minute and enjoyed the best I could. It was simply not enough! Not enough time to stay with my baby sister. Not enough time to see all the sightseeings. Not enough energy to go about the cities. Not enough.
But it was enough to make me realize I’m unique in the way I am. I know how to seize the opportunities. I know how to do things by myself. I can overcome the language barrier better when I’m confronted with people. Talking face-to-face is much easier than on the phone or by letter or message.
It also made me feel good about myself in a way I don’t think I ever was. I feel more confident about myself.
It made me think about how I do things in my life. And how I can change some of those things. Everybody liked recognition. But I don’t need to desperately seek for it. Not anymore. I learnt it will come eventually and in the least expected moment and from the least expected person. All I have to do is pay attention.
Which brings me to the point of all this. I don’t pay attention. I work hard on that aspect at work. Try to check if people is motivated. If they need something I can do. I don’t do that with my friends. And most of the time I misinterpret the signs. I’m not good at being open to people, I’m not used to call people my friends. There are some things I don’t like to talk about it. I just don’t feel comfortable!
And I know I seem selfish sometimes. I only talk about my problems and about my things and don’t let people talk. Or don’t listen to others. I never learnt how to do it. I never learnt how to give advice to friends. I never had friends to advise…
And this blog has this purpose. To help me put into words what I’m feeling and what I’d like to say to people but I just can’t do it in person. And if I write long enough, I believe I’ll learn and stop being afraid of doing that.
Writing here yesterday did me so good and I feel so good about myself today!
Yesterday I felt a happiness so intense! The one you must smile to put some of it out so you don’t explode! And it came while I was high up in the sky, watching the clouds pass by, through the plane’s window. I could see the sunrise from above and the sky seemed a big rainbow.
Even when I wasn’t able to sleep, I was able to enjoy those small things. That is happiness.